Letting Off Steam
by Little Kunai
Summary: In which a drunken Kisame rants more then he should about perfect shinobi to Hagrid. Little ficlet in the Far From Home universe


**Letting Off Steam**

_In which a drunken Kisame lets off a little steam to his drinking buddy Hagrid._

_This fic was written for LoveGunnerMoonGoddess._

* * *

Kisame threw back his drink and paced. It would be two days before they would be going off to try and kill Orochimaru. The prospect excited him. The idea of killing a legendary ninja would add to his own fearsome reputation. It would be an epic fight between equals that would rock the shinobi world one way or another and he couldn't complain too much about his partners.

Zetsu could fight, but he was…the weak link. That psychopath Sasori was a loose cannon who could probably figure out how to turn against them and there was Konan…she was a lot like Itachi in regards to quiet cunning, and keeping a level head. But _he had _begun to see that underneath her blank mask she was cracking. Kami! Why did he always get stuck with ticking time bombs?

Hagrid watched the big man pace back and forth. Because of his demon heritage, he could drink three times as much as a normal human before he got good and drunk.

His friend chuckled, but it was not a friendly type.

"What do you think of Konan?"

"Err…whaddya mean?"

"Just rattle off your first impression of her."

"Quiet, proud, good ead on her shoulders."

The bitter laughter again.

"Of course, that's what anyone _would _think."

"You sayin she aint?"

"Oh no, she's all that you say and more and that's the big problem." There was a sadistic smile, a flash of razor sharp teeth.

"I'm eh…not following ye Kisame." Hagrid admitted.

"What happens when a dam is too full of water?"

"It cracks…breaks down, floods the place."

"Exactly. I don't know how the hell this happens."

"How what happens?"

"It never fails. I always end up getting stuck babysitting perfect shinobi" He spat irritably. "These prodigal, powerful, emotionally constipated, textbook perfect shinobi!"

"Baby-sit?"

"You have no idea what it feels like," He said with a growl.

"I'm afraid I don't." His friend admitted.

"They're either ticking time bombs waiting to go off the deep end or they get so sick of it all that they just decide to kick the bucket. Of course they can't let go of their damn pride and they choose suicide missions."

Hagrid, brain muzzy from keeping up with his drinking partner finally caught on.

"So…so your sayin' that she's going to _let_ herself get killed and end it all or snap and go on a rampage?" He frowned. "How can ye be sure o that?"

"Because I've seen it happen every time." The shark nin answered with grim humor, as though he were letting Hagrid in on an inside joke.

That was why he got paired with the prestigious heir of the Uchiha clan. Itachi, his good friend had been tormented by the ghosts of his family, the sins of his past, the undying hatred and pain in his sibling's tortured eyes, add to the brain rot of the Mangekyou and he began to go insane long before the staged, final battle which let him die at his brother's own hand.

The freaky, perfect son of Mist's now extinct Ice clan, Hayao Yukionna had served under him when he was ANBU, had eventually lost it and went berserk at the age of twelve, forcing Kisame to kill him.

His female teammate when he was a Genin, Tatariko, had been the star of the Shinchuha clan and had flung herself into the midst of battle with less then half her chakra and took half a dozen shinobi, friend and foe with her, cackling and weeping like a lunatic.

He had had to watch them, make sure they didn't go one way or the other, keep them pristine in the memory of their superiors, keep them in line so they could be the perfect tool a little longer.

He had been placed there to deal with that kind of bullshit when they finally did and made sure that he could quickly and quietly end them and somehow without being ordered too, he would probably have to do it again and it was beginning to get to him too.

He couldn't have cared less about the Yukionna kid to be honest, he'd been happy to end his subordinate's life.

Tatariko had been his first crush and a powerful kunoichi and metal forger in her own right.

He had ended up being Itachi's rock, a confidant to information that the Uchiha did not want others to know about, but would not mark him as a traitor of Akatsuki.

He had been partnered with the greatest puppet master to ever come out of Wind Country occasionally and it was obvious that the Suna nin had lost his mind way before Kisame knew him and he had always given him the creeps. It was not his monotone voice, his flat doll's eyes that should have had no emotion behind them or his icy disdain.

Kisame was used to all that, but when he talked about his art and the gleam that shouldn't have been there behind his eyes lit up as he moved in for the kill that bothered him more then anything else. Made him paranoid and though he didn't say so to Hagrid, the tighter the chokehold he kept on the little bastard's chain, the better he'd feel.

People were frightened of Hidan's obvious insanity, but the priest was completely predictable and it didn't take much to outsmart him. But perfect shinobi like them, you were never sure what they were going to do.

He didn't think Konan wasn't the type to turn into a rabid dog like Hayao had been, or a berserker soldier like Tatariko. He'd come to enjoy Konan's company and he had a feeling deep in his gut that she would be another Itachi and that bothered him more then anything else.

Hagrid chose not to say a word.


End file.
